The Honeymooners

Moments With My Bride

This One Thing I Know

Roses are Red.
Violets are Blue.
This One Thing I Know...
That I LOVE You!


15 days until I marry you, love.

Bittersweet Chaos

Jeremiah 29.10-13 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

Just in the last 7 days God has rocked my world and the world of those I love so dearly. Abba has a glorious and wonderful plan that I do not understand.

On Thursday, Sept. 16, 2010 I got a phone call from my second mother (Kelsie’s mom, Linda) with tragic news. Kelsie’s dad, Todd MacDonell, had been suffering for a few weeks and had recently been taken into the Mayo Clinic for tests. These tests revealed a devastating reality. Todd had Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease, which is a degenerative brain disease that is irreversible. The doctors projected that Todd had 6-8 weeks left to live. That was one of the worst days off my life. Finding out this information and being trapped 10 hours away at a school where I could no longer focus, and I was useless to those I loved. Todd, Linda, Katie, and Kelsie are my family, and I was unable to get to them. Thankfully, I was able to get on a plane out of Midway the next morning at 6.55 am and finally arrived in Pierz around 11.30 am. I spent Friday-Tuesday with the family, including Todd’s mother, brother and sister, who had all flown out to be with the family.

It was because of this huge change that I began asking what God wanted from me in all of this. Was I crazy to be thinking about withdrawing from school and uprooting myself to move up north to be with the MacDonell’s? I knew if Kelsie was going to be able to be strong for her family and church I was going to need to be present to be strong for her. And so, after seeking counsel from about a half dozen different men whom I greatly respect, I decided that I could best serve Kelsie as her husband, and not as her boyfriend. So after consulting with Linda, I asked Todd for his blessing, to which he replied, “Ding dang dong, let’s roll!”

Less than 6 hours later I officially proposed, Kels said yes, and we will never look back. I am about to marry my best friend in the whole world, and we want our father Todd to be a part of it. A week ago I could never have imagined what God had in store. Now I am anxiously preparing for it. Less than a week from right now I will be moving 10 hours north to be with my fiancee, my sister, and my second set of parents. I am terrified as all get out, but so ready to pursue what God has planned. We can never anticipate what God will use as an inciting incident in our lives. This one thing I know-- I cannot do this without Him.

Father,
Forgive me for living a life which claimed your name by speech, but not by action. I want nothing more than to be a man after your heart, to seek you passionately, and to love your Word. I want to be a husband worthy of my wife, someone who can be her spiritual leader and show her I love her by pointing her toward you. God, I want to praise you even in tragic circumstances. GOD YOU ARE GOOD. Please remind me of your goodness during times it is easy to turn away. I love you, Father.

Your son,
Jack

Beth

How can a young man keep his way pure?
By living according to your word.
I seek you with all my heart;
Do not let me stray from your commands.
I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.
Praise be to you, O LORD; teach me your decrees.
With my lips I recount all the laws that come from your mouth.
I rejoice in following your statutes as one rejoices in great riches.
I meditate on your precepts and consider your ways.
I delight in your decrees; I will not neglect your word.

VIII: The Fragile Flower

She had soon begun tormenting him with her rather touchy vanity. One day, for instance, alluding to her four thorns, she remarked to the little prince,
"I'm ready for tigers, with all their claws!"
"There are no tigers on my planet," the little prince had objected, "and besides, tigers don't eat weeds."
"I am not a weed," the flower sweetly replied.
"Forgive me..."
"I am not at all afraid of tigers, but I have a horror of drafts. You wouldn't happen to have a screen?"
"A horror of drafts... that's not a good sign, for a plant," the little prince had observed. "How complicated this flower is..."
"After dark you will put my under glass. How cold it is where you live - quite uncomfortable. Where I come from --"
But she suddenly broke off. She had come here as a seed. She couldn't have known anything of other worlds.Humiliated at having let herself be caught on the verge of so naive a lie, she coughed two or three times in order to put the little prince in the wrong.
"That screen?"
"I was going to look for one, but you were speaking to me!"
Then she made herself cough again, in order to inflict a twinge of remorse on him all the same.

Proud of You

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - I'm so proud of you, Kelsie. You are a college graduate and you are making scary decisions based on faith. Don't stop. God just promised you a future filled with hope.

I love you, Kels.

Falling For You

Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you over again.

A girl like you is impossible to find. You're impossible to find.

Cinco de Mayo

...is a holiday observed in celebration of the Mexican army's unlikely victory over French forces at the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862. Ironically, Cinco de Mayo has limited significance in Mexico, though it is celebrated around the world as a tribute to Mexican heritage and pride.

Bloom

I like this picture.
I snapped it in Chongzuo.
Almost looks like a painting.
I like this picture.

Rosebud

An Essay Regarding Citizen Kane

What an individual might say before they pass away is often a great indication of what mattered most to them in life. This is true in the case of Charles Foster Kane, a man whose final statement before death is likely more famous than any other fictional characters’ supposed “famous” last words. Charlie Kane’s final statement was one word: Rosebud. So begins Orson Welles’ tour de force, Citizen Kane, which he starred in, co-wrote, produced, and directed. But who or what was Rosebud? That is what Mr. Ralwston wanted to know claiming, “It’ll probably turn out to be a very simple thing.” Indeed, Rosebud was a very simple thing however only we the audience ever discovered the true identity of Rosebud. According to Jerry Thompson, the reporter who was investigating Rosebud throughout the film, “Maybe Rosebud was something [Kane] couldn’t get or something he lost. Anyway, it wouldn’t have explained anything. I don’t think any word can explain a man’s life. No, I guess Rosebud is just a piece of a jigsaw puzzle; a missing piece.” I both agree and disagree with Thompson’s assessment of Rosebud. Rosebud was most certainly a missing piece, the missing piece in fact. However, I believe that missing puzzle piece could have explained everything and were Mr. Thompson to have discovered a child’s sled labled Rosebud perhaps he would have both understood and agreed.

Early on in Citizen Kane was a scene in which took place in 1871 during Kane’s childhood where we witnessed him being torn from his home. This scene set the stage for Kane’s actions throughout the rest of the film. When watching that scene I couldn’t help but feel sympathetic for Kane. Though his mother is sent him away with Thatcher to protect him from his likely abusive father she seemed detached and emotionless, not at all affected by losing her son. Kane’s father seemed at first to care for his boy, passionately arguing against sending him away. However when Mr. Thatcher mentioned the $50,000 a year Mr. and Mrs. Kane would be receiving Mr. Kane changed his tune completely and began encouraging his son about the trip. I believe this flashback scene clearly showed that Charles Foster Kane had always longed for love, something he didn’t even receive from his own parents. This need to be loved is what crippled him throughout life and drove away the few people who really did love him. Thus the significance of Rosebud, which was the one thing Charlie Kane loved that did not judge or abandon him. Rosebud was Kane’s lost love. This makes the scene where Mr. Thatcher presents Kane with a new sled, The Crusader, even more ironic as we witness Kane being given a fancy duplicate of his one true love.

The last shot we saw in Colorado is of Rosebud on the ground slowly being covered by snow and quickly forgotten. Charles Kane never wanted to be rich; he only wanted to live a simple life surrounded by those who loved him (or those he thought loved him). He claimed, “Well, I always gagged on that silver spoon.” Throughout the movie Kane attempts to make it clear how much he hates his riches. However, as much as he may have detested his wealth he used it to try to buy love his entire life. Mr. Thatcher told Kane, “You never made a single investment. You always used money to…” and Kane responded, “…to buy things.” Kane spent a million dollars one year to keep the Inquirer open, and fully intended to spend that much money every year for decades. He was trying to buy the love of the people of New York by fighting against the big, evil corporations such as Traction Trust. Perhaps his most frivolous obsession was his constant purchasing of statues from all over the world. I think that this hobby is very telling of what Charles Kane wanted most out of life. He spent millions and millions of dollars to acquire hundreds of these statues. Kane created a small world in Xanadu where he was surrounded by statues who loved him, did not judge him, and would never leave him. That is why it was so devastating to him that Susan walked out on him. In Kane’s mind she was just another statue, lacking the ability to move or make decisions, but when he claimed that she couldn’t do that to him she shattered his illusion by claiming, “Oh yes I can!” Kane promptly tears apart her room giving the audience a very real, physical example of his shattered illusion.

It is a shame that Charles Kane tried so hard to be loved and admired by everyone because it was his ego and obsessive need to be loved that drove away the few people that did in fact truly love him. About midway through the film there is a sequence of scenes showing Kane at breakfast with his first wife Emily. In the first scene they are sitting very close to each other at a small table and having playful banter. I could tell they were very much in love. However, over the course of the next few clips they begin to speak less to each other and when they do speak it is more argumentative. At the end of the sequence no words are exchange we simply see Charles and Emily sitting at the table reading their papers. Emily had become fed up with Charles’ devotion to the newspaper and their relationship had gone downhill. Ironically while Charles is obviously reading the daily edition of the Inquirer, Emily has taken to reading the Chronicle which is an indication that she has become just as much of a rival to Kane as the Chronicle. Her demand to be his sole love and interest conflicts with his need to be loved by those read the newspaper. The sequence finishes by panning out to show that they are now seated at opposite ends of a very long table fully establishing the demise of their relationship.

Charles Kane’s relationship with his friend Jedediah Leland did not end much better. Jedediah seemed to always be somewhat skeptical of Kane’s intergrity, so much so that he even asked to keep the original Declaration of Principles as a souvenir, perhaps knowing that one day he would need to use it to make a point. Leland’s last straw came after Kane lost the election because of his affair with Susan Alexander. Leland got himself drunk so that he could tell Kane how he really felt informing him, “You just want to persuade people that you love them so much that they ought to love you back. Only you want love on your own terms.” I think this statement best exemplifies the Achilles’ heel of Charles Foster Kane, the fact that he pretends to love in order to gain the love of others. Love on Kane’s terms. Kane’s problem with Leland was that he was devoted to the truth, not Kane. This was later evidenced with Jed began writing a scathing review of Susan’s premiere in Chicago. Charles chose to finish the review himself in order to prove that he is still devoted to integrity and truth however I saw through the ruse once he fired Leland out of spite. The final correspondence between these two friends was the letter sent to Kane from Leland containing a torn up check and the Declaration of Principle Kane had written so long ago. The scene where Charles tears up the Declaration made very clear the fact that he cared mored about himself and what others thought of him then he did of telling the truth. Ironically the other torn up piece of paper was the check Leland had torn up showing the Leland did not value money like Kane did, but rather he valued his integrity, showing just how different these two men really were.

My favorite quote from Citizen Kane was said by the title character himself, perhaps the truest thing he said in the entire film. Charles Foster Kane said, “If I hadn’t been very rich, I might’ve been a really great man.” I think I agree with Mr. Kane when said that. Most of us have been abandoned at one point in our lives, but we move forward and grow because of it. Charles, on the other hand, remained in a state of arrested development trying to use his riches to fix his loss. If Charlie Kane had not been rich I imagine he might have shared many more winters with his Rosebud. He might have grown up to be quite a lot like Jedediah Leland, a man of integrity who could not be bought. Perhaps that is why Mr. Kane’s famous last word was Rosebud. His life flashed before his eyes and he realized that had he stayed in Colorado with Rosebud his life would have been vastly different. However when he was taken from Rosebud his childhood was lost, which we see mirrored on his deathbed by his final statement “Rosebud” and the subsequent destruction of a snowglobe which looked oddly similar to Ma Kane’s boarding house in Colorado.

Adolph

On April 20, 1889 this child was born. Who would have thought he would grow up to believe in racial hygiene and consequently execute 6 million jews? Makes me not want to have children.

Ludovico

Ludovico Einaudi - Divenire.mp3

Found at: FilesTube - Megaupload search

Ireland

Wow, God, Wow.

It is coming up fast. Like a racecar. I'm not ready. Please ready me, Lord.
Amen.

Tiresias

On Mount Cyllene in the Peloponnese, as Tiresias came upon a pair of copulating snakes, he hit the pair a smart blow with his stick. Hera was not pleased, and she punished Tiresias by transforming him into a woman. As a woman, Tiresias became a priestess of Hera, married and had children, including Manto, who also possessed the gift of prophecy. According to some versions of the tale, Lady Tiresias was a prostitute of great renown. After seven years as a woman, Tiresias again found mating snakes; depending on the myth, either she made sure to leave the snakes alone this time, or, according to Hyginus, trampled on them. As a result, Tiresias was released from his sentence and permitted to regain his masculinity. This ancient story is recorded in lost lines of Hesiod.

Later, Tiresias was drawn into an argument between Hera and her husband Zeus, on the theme of who has more pleasure in sex: the man, as Hera claimed; or, as Zeus claimed, the woman, as Tiresias had experienced both. Tiresias replied "Of ten parts a man enjoys one only." Hera instantly struck him blind for his impiety. Zeus could do nothing to stop her, but he did give Tiresias the gift of foresight and a lifespan of seven lives.


-- That dude was pretty messed up.

Zealous

Proverbs 23.17 - Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear of the Lord.

[What does it mean to be ZEALOUS? According to www.dictionary.com "full of, characterized by or due to ZEAL; ardently active, devoted or diligent." I kinda like that. So how do I become ZEALOUS?]

23.26 - My son, give me your heart and let your eyes keep to my ways,

[Perhaps ZEAL is the combination of a given heart and focused eyes.]

23.24 - The father of a righteous man has great joy; he who has a wise son delights in him.

[And righteousness and wisdom are the product of the ZEAL? I like the thought of Abba delighting in me. I like the thought of not only causing him joy, but great joy]



Lord, focus my eyes on You. You have my heart. ~

Persistence of Memory

Children of Men

This is perhaps my favorite tracking shot of all time. This is a truly great film and anyone who has not seen it should go do so right now.

Edward Prendick

Sometimes I feel like I am him. Or he is me.

Lost. Abandoned. Alone. but not Alone.
Are We Not Men?

Daniel 4.35

you're killing me God. you cant just make things easy for me. black and white. line in the sand. you gotta go and complicate things. and why? for my benefit? for your glory? because it is humorous? all of the above? and who am i to question you? you wrote that i am regarded as nothing as well as that you do as you please. i wish it was easy to not question you. like i had an off switch. perhaps you could have wired me that way. but there i go again questioning your plan. I love you Lord. give me your answer in your time and i will obey.

More

Just hold my hand a while and walk with me my dearest child.
I know all the things that you're feeling cause I have been there too.
And I am here with you.

And I want you. And I need you. So desperately.
You are mine and, yes, I made you. Please come to me.

I love you more than life or death or earth and sea.
I love you more than the things that you think you've done.
That would keep you from me.
I love you more. I love you more. So very much more.

Your tears and fears are mine and I have cast them out.
They are shattered on the ground.
For you I have chosen to suffer, but I'd do it all again.
Yes I'd do it all again.

I love you more than life or death or earth and sea.
I love you more than the things that you think you've done.
That would keep you from me.
I love you more than life or death or earth and sea.
I love you more than tears or guilt or lies or money.
More than fears or greed or feeling empty. More...
More than even me.

Here I Am

I began blogging regularly near the end of 2004. and I loved it. However, over time my weblog devolved into a "routine journal". Something to do when I was bored, instead of something to enjoy.
My blog currently sits in a state of decay.

I've been nostalgic for my long summer days spent in front of the computer blogging about things that meant something to me. So I'm starting anew. Here I am.

XII: The Drunkard

The next planet was inhabited by a drunkard. This visit was a very brief one, but it plunged the little prince into a deep depression.
"What are you doing there?" he asked the drunkard, whom he found sunk in silence before a collection of empty bottles and a collection of full ones.
"Drinking," replied the drunkard, with a gloomy expression.
"Why are you drinking?" the little prince asked.
"To forget," replied the drunkard.
"To forget what?" inquired the little prince,
who was already feeling sorry for him.
"To forget that I'm ashamed," confessed the drunkard,
hanging his head.
"What are you ashamed of?" inquired the little prince,
who wanted to help.
"Of drinking!" concluded the drunkard,
withdrawing into silence for good.
And the little prince went on his way puzzled.