Friday, June 28, 2013

10 Years in the Making

It's hard to believe it has been ten years now since I first stepped on the field (Training Camp)of Royal Servants. June 28, 2003: I was a problematic, rebellious, cynical teenager. Or I could just say a teenager. I signed up to travel to Ecuador because it meant 4 full weeks without my family. God had nothing to do with it. Or so I thought. That day began a process the altered the course of my life. I had been depressed, on the brink of suicide (even attempting it once, with only a couple months until my trip). That summer God used my staff discipler and senior staff men to help show me the value of life and God's purpose for it. A change began to occur, slowly but surely. During our final week in Ecuador I already knew what was next. I could feel God calling me back to mission field. I had China on my heart in 2003 and in 2004 I went. I love the ministry in China. The relationships built can be beautiful. After this summer I intended to be done with summer missions. In my mind two countries in two summers equated putting in my time of ministry as a student. God wasn't done with me yet. I got my invitation for Nehemiah and immediately knew what my summer was going to look like. There was no way I was going to pass up 9 weeks of travel with Louie Inks going to Israel and half of Europe. That summer was instrumental in my understanding of Christian fellowship and community. We were brothers and sisters, ministering to the nations, but also each others. A deep phileo type of love was there. I returned to Israel on the Timothy Team in 2006 not knowing how especially important that summer was going to be to my future. On June 10 (my birthday) a beautiful girl named Kelsie walked onto the field and into my life. Best friends that summer, husband and wife four years later! That aside, this was definitely the summer God chose to smack me off of the pedestal I had built for myself. On my fourth mission trip in as many summers... I thought I was a pretty big deal. God used my senior staff to painfully, but wisely show me the pride I was harboring. Thank you Louie and Travis for that. 2007 was two weeks of 'back-breaking' labor on the Barnabas team. It's hard to fathom that a team that spends two weeks in Illinois cleaning toilets and mowing the lawn could possibly have been the best two weeks of my life, but it was definitely in the running. A good crew of students with servants hearts and fun-loving sprits, I'd do it all this summer if those people came back. There are not enough words to describe the impact my year in Kairos (2007-08) had on me, but it completely changed my worldview, how I viewed God and how I viewed my part in His plans. Wonderful. Being a staff discipler may honestly have been the most difficult thing I have ever done. I headed back to China in 2008 responsible for three great guys who I loved the heck out of, but definitely wanted to smack a few times. The commitment that was necessary to pour into them was more than I ever had had before, and it was by God's hand that I had any at all. 2009-2012 was a blur. I think being Senior Staff makes the summer go faster. Or maybe it is just age. Barnabas, Ireland, my first summer break, and then to Nepal I went. Every summer I haven't felt cut out for my role and every summer God has made it possible for me to fulfill it anyway. Nepal has a special place in my heart because it was my first summer mission with my wife and seeing each other intently involved in ministry day after day really helped bind our hearts to each other. I am a better husband simply for having done ministry with my wife. 9 trips in 10 years with Royal Servants to 15 countries. I got a wife and a lifetime of experiences by the age of 24. God you are so good to me. I will continue to follow your path, and I will try to trust you every day. I look forward to seeing what the next ten years bring. IMAGE: My youth pastor and senior staff Dave Salsedo in Chicago on June 28, 2003.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Rhinoceros

This is a paper I wrote last semester for my Script Analysis class. I chose to write about the play Rhinoceros by Eugene Ionesco.

Rhinoceritis leads to the Trampling of Individual Thought
Rhinoceros is a parable about the transformation society undergoes when its individual members choose to fall in line with an authoritarian uniformity. Eugene Ionesco chose to use rhinoceroses as the end result of transformation as a way of conveying the idea that one rhino by itself is a mild hazard, but the more there are the more dangerous they become until they have trampled everything that stands in their way. In Rhinoceros Ionesco wanted us to see that it was neither a prudent nor a logical choice for the characters (Berenger excluded) to sacrifice their individuality for the sake of mass conformity with fascism. It was evident that Ionesco wanted us to see the fallacy of that sacrifice because we know of his own experiences with friends and colleagues who succumbed to fascism, as well as noting his constant references throughout the play to syllogisms, logic, and the Logician.

Eugene Ionesco witnessed a mass exodus away from individual thinking during the rise of the Iron Guard in the 1920’s and 30’s. According to Anne Quinney, “Ionesco saw many of his close friends become increasingly fascinated by the radical nationalist political party,” which he considered a betrayal as he was partly Jewish and the Iron Guard was fiercely anti-Semitic. For a while Eugene went to meetings with a dozen or so other individuals who talk about their opinions and views opposing the fascist dictatorship that was working its way into power. Every so often one member would be discussing the issues he took with the government but would also chime in that he might agree with them philosophically in one area of thinking. In Ms. Quinney’s article “Excess and Identity: The Franco-Romanian Ionesco Combats Rhinoceritis” she goes on to say that Ionesco once lamented “that kind of comment was a symptom. Three weeks later, that person would become a Nazi. Toward the end, it was only three or four of us who resisted.” Berenger represented Ionesco in this play as he similarly dealt with the steady transformation of friends and colleagues such as Jean, the Logician, and Daisy into rampaging, one-minded animals. As the fictional version of Ionesco, Berenger was described in the book Ionesco and Genet: Playwrights of Silence as one who “would resist the hovering presence of despair and continue to fight against the dark pressures which threaten every hope.” Therefore, based on an accurate syllogism as described by the Logician, 1) Berenger represents Ionesco, 2) Berenger resisted despair and continued fighting for hope, 3) therefore, Ionesco fought for hope. This fight resulted in the writing of Rhinoceros.

Throughout the entirety of Rhinoceros the majority of primary characters made statements intending them to be logical when in fact they made no real sense. The constant use of false logic by individuals who eventually succumbed to rhinoceritis was not only ironic but well intended by the playwright to make his point. Take the Logician, for example. The Logician actually brought up and discussed the very nature of a syllogism in the first act. He correctly explained that it “consists of a main proposition, a secondary one, and a conclusion” (pg. 13). On page 20 he admitted logic was a beautiful thing, but under the stipulation, “as long as it is not abused.” Chief abusers of logic in this play were the Logician himself, Dudard, Jean, Botard, and even Daisy, all of whom eventually conformed to rhinoceritis. The play mirrored history well in that rhinoceritis, or fascism, took a while to build momentum. At first there were only a few nazis and it was fairly easy to see the hideousness, or tough skin and pale green complexion, of that ideology. Yet, once the movement began gaining steam it became commonplace for individuals to look past the ugliness and to determine, as Daisy put it, that “They look happy. They’re content to be what they are. They don’t look insane. They look very natural. They were right to do what they did.” (Italics mine). Daisy attempted to be logical in her defense of the country’s rhinocerization but it was a fallacy. G. Richard Danner wrote that, “To be human here is to be free to use faulty rhetoric as an instrument of intellectual anarchy.” Daisy used faulty rhetoric when she rationalized that looking happy and appearing natural minus seeming insane equaled having done the right thing. Ionesco knew that that was a flawed argument. His choice to make logic a very real theme in this play was both intentional and ironic because of the apparent absence of logic amongst those who made the radical decision to sacrifice their individuality.

There are those who would disagree that being a fascist does not require a sacrifice of individuality. Benito Mussolini himself argued that individuality was, in fact, better because of fascism in an essay that he wrote in 1935: “The individual in the Fascist State is not annulled but rather multiplied, just in the same way that a soldier in a regiment is not diminished but rather increased by the number of his comrades. The Fascist State organizes the nation, but leaves a sufficient margin of liberty to the individual; the latter is deprived of all useless and possibly harmful freedom, but retains what is essential; the deciding power in this question cannot be the individual, but the State alone....” The power to choose which liberties are useless, non-essential and no longer necessary to the people belongs solely to the Fascist State Mussolini dreamed about. Because the State held this power, they had the right at any time to take away your freedoms if they deemed them ‘harmful’. Dudard stated (pg. 80) “You leave the authorities to act as they think best!” The Rhinoceritis was already setting in. Incidentally, Mussolini indicts fascism by contradicting himself. Merriam-Webster defines the word ‘annul’ as ‘to reduce to nothing’. How can the individual be stripped of their freedoms and not be reduced to nothing? Sacrifice of the things that make us unique is absolutely necessary to function as a fascist. Berenger, and other characters also, seemed to have a difficult time telling which rhinoceros was which. Berenger determined he saw the Logician as a rhinoceros because of the hat he was wearing on his horn and not at all because of whom he was or how he conducted himself. Rhinoceritis may have resulted in multiplied comrades but these comrades were a sea of indistinguishable people.

It would be reasonable to assume that some people have jumped on the fascist bandwagon simply to not be left behind. It could not possibly be illogical to move with the times, and at the time of Ionesco’s experiences in Romania the fascist Iron Guard was in power. Botard even echoes this sentiment claiming “…we must keep up with the times!” (Pg.89) It is stated in the book Ionesco and Genet that “The truth is that all impulses, except Berenger’s, quickly surrender to the spineless moving along with the times. Botard, like Jean, lacks the inner strength to resist whatever prevailing breeze of convention may blow.” Botard was ripe for fascism as he never resisted those who prevailed. The problem with this is that if we do not resist at all we will become thoughtless creatures who do as we are told for the sake of keeping up with the times.. Ionesco himself went as far as saying, “Keeping up with the times is the same as staying behind them: you need to keep one step ahead of them.” Keeping one step ahead of the times would look more like creative thinking about the circumstances and everyone tapping into their own unique abilities to serve society. William S. Haney explains, “Berenger exhibits willpower in the face of strong opposition from his friends and colleagues [which] indicates that he has committed himself to a significant cause.” Berenger is keeping one step ahead of the times, at all times. Though he briefly considers succumbing near the end of Act III, he displays his resolve with his final line, “I’m not capitulating!” “When the first beasts start raising dust, the scene is not visibly affected. Significance is slow in evolving out of the nonsense,” (pg. 78) according to Four Playwrights and a Postscript. Momentum takes awhile to build. Rome was not built in a day and Nazism did not pop up overnight. At first, in the play, there was only one rhinoceros causing a ruckus. Eventually a second one began roaming town. As time wore on, ideas caught on, though not necessarily logical ones. The mass conformity to fascist thinking did not spread like wildfire. It took time, years in fact. We must be responsible as rational human beings to think logically about what we are supporting. We must not become spineless and content with a ‘sufficient margin of liberty’ but our thoughts and actions should be logical and not willing to sacrifice our individuality. Are we willing to capitulate? Or will we stand firm against a fundamentally flawed ideology when we see our colleagues succumb to Rhinoceritis?

BIBLIOGRAPHY
Ionesco, Eugène. Rhinoceros. New York: Grove, 1960. Print.
Grossvogel, David I. Four Playwrights and a Postscript: Brecht, Ionesco, Beckett, Genet. Westport, CT: Greenwood, 1975. Print.
Jacobsen, Josephine, and William Randolph Mueller. Ionesco and Genêt; Playwrights of Silence. New York: Hill and Wang, 1968. Print.
Bonnefoy, Claude. Conversations with Eugène Ionesco. New York: Holt, Rinehart and Winston, 1971. Print.
Anne, Quinney. "Excess and Identity: The Franco-Romanian Ionesco Combats Rhinoceritis." 2007. Web. http://muse.jhu.edu/journals/south_central_review/v024/24.3quinney.html
Danner, G. Richard. "Bérenger's Dubious Defense of Humanity in Rhinocéros." JSTOR. The French Review, Web. http://www.jstor.org/stable/390561
Haney, William S., II. "Eugene Ionesco's Rhinoceros: Defiance vs. Conformism." Web. http://www.highbeam.com/doc/1G1-179571032.html
Mussolini, Benito. "The Political and Social Doctrine of Fascism." Web. http://paperweight.cooper.edu/humanities/core/hss3/Mussolini_Doctrines.html

Monday, January 28, 2013

Zombie Apocalypse

So I have recently become addicted to The Walking Dead. I love zombie stories. I don't know why, I just do; don't judge me. So I was discussing zombie survival plans with some co-workers yesterday. Not that I think a zombie apocalypse-uprising will ever happen but if it does isn't it better to be safe than sorry? Hopefully the early signs of a worldwide disease-infection will cause my paranoia to kick in and I'll start getting things together. I'm assuming Kelsie will not yet be infected so the two of us will travel together. Stay in town no more than a week. Gather as many supplies as we can reasonably carry. Canned foods (corn, asparagus, beans, lentils, spam, etc. etc.) are a top priority. Likewise a can opener will be vital. You don't want to be the guy sitting on a throne of canned goods and the end of the world only to discover you failed to grab something to open them. My knapsack will be loaded down with the cans as well as a small, portable stove. I will also carry any bottles-canteens of water we will bring. Kelsie will carry the blankets, bars of soap, and an envelope of photographs to remember our life prior the the end of the world. We will also be packin' knives. I mean armed to the teeth in knives, machetes, daggers, probably a spear... My weapon of choice will be a Louisville Slugger. I will require Kelsie to carry a spear, I don't want her to get into too close of combat. I will also one handgun with two bullets in it, one for her and one for me, should we get bit. Easier than suffering. We will make our way up north, perhaps to the boundary waters and get a canoe. We will canoe to a island that is removed enough from land to not attract attention from the undead but not so far that we will have trouble getting back if the need ever arises. Ideally the zombie uprising will occur in the spring to provide enough time in the heat to get to our island and begin building a cabin. Now that I think about it my lack of carpentry skills may be a hindrance. I should take a class for that. Regardless. This is where we will make our home when the zombies rise up. We will not join forces with other survivors. You don't know who you can trust in those days. We will be like Adam and Eve, but instead of a paradise world in the Middle East, it will be a forest island on the border of Canada.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Mtn. Dew

Fall semester began on January 14 and so did the class I have been looking most forward to... Creative Writing: Fiction. I am going to be doing a lot of free writing in this class. Free writing is where I just put pen to paper (or fingers to keys) and just write (or type). Whatever comes out, comes out, but the purpose is just to start doing it. Practice. So here is what I wrote on the first day.

Energizing. Rejuvenating. Refreshing. Sweet. Smooth, with a carbonated burn. Yellow, or some might say green. Titled Mountain Dew. If you drink it you will be cool. Like snowboarders. Do you know how to snowboard? You don't need to, Dew will show you the way. Ever wanted to be a world class financier? Banker? Broker? Well Mountain Dew is green like money so that might mean something. Or is it yellow, like my urine? Try not to think about it. Just think about the sweet, sugary taste on your buds, this nectar of the gods. Gulp all 20 ounces in one shot or sip it to preserve its integrity. There is no wrong way to Do the Dew. It goes nicely with a Chalupa or a Doritos Locos Taco from the Bell. The flavors contrast brilliantly. I just took a sip of Dew and my general happiness went up from 74% to 81%. 7 percentage points in one sip, not too shabby Mtn. Dew. If I were on a deserted island and could only bring one item with me it would be a never-emptying bottle of Mtn. Dew to quench my thirst. Don't bring a can, sand might get in it. Bottle is the way to go. Do the Dew, will you be mine? I do take Mtn. Dew as my lawfully wedded beverage.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Pablo Neruda

We have lost even this twilight.
No one saw us this evening hand in hand
while the blue night dropped on the world.

I have seen from my window
the fiesta of sunset in the distant mountain tops.

Sometimes a piece of sun
burned like a coin in my hand.

I remembered you with my soul clenched
in that sadness of mine that you know.

Where were you then?
Who else was there?
Saying what?
Why will the whole of love come on me suddenly
when I am sad and feel you are far away?

The book fell that always closed at twilight
and my blue sweater rolled like a hurt dog at my feet.

Always, always you recede through the evenings
toward the twilight, erasing statues.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

My Standard of Beauty

We are going through a video series with our small group right now about marriage. Mark Driscoll is teaching and he said that our spouse should be our standard of beauty. That really hit me hard. I know I haven't treated Kelsie as such. Or thought of her that way. I've always thought I was into blonde girls. Most girls I was interested in prior to Kelsie were blonde. I always thought I was into older women. But I'm not into those things. I'm into brunette. I'm into a younger woman. I'm into Kelsie Lynn Becker. Everyone and everything I will ever encounter should be compared to her and they should always fail to compare. Kelsie is my standard.

Sweetheart, I am sorry it took me over two years of marriage to understand this concept. But I understand it now. Forgive me for sometimes looking at other women. Forgive me for my apathetic indifference. Forgive me for treating you as if you were ordinary. You're not. You're extraordinary. You're pure beauty. I should be in awe of you every time I see you. I want to have a heart attack of epic proportions every time we lock eyes (not literally). I want to desire and pursue you as I did when we were first dating. I will treat you the way that you are: extraordinary, beautiful, and my standard for all else.

Monday, January 21, 2013

Sonnet 1

Doubt consumes me despite your steadfast love,
I am darkened though faithful you may be,
This piercing sorrow when I look above,
Will magnify my present agony.

I long to be free of this chain binding,
To exist unbound and live amidst light,
‘Fore the thread of this man stops unwinding,
‘Fore this vessel capsizes in the night.

My hope, O Father, I place in your Word,
Set this captive free of his own cruel flesh,
In your faithfulness I can be assured,
This sin in my heart, O God, you will thresh.

Your faithfulness is my shield and rampart,
In which I should have trusted from the start.