Yesterday I decided to revive my blog. Big deal. There have been many incarnations of a blog written by me over the years and I have eventually lost interest in every one. This will be different (I hope). Kelsie mentioned to me the other day about something she had read in a book called Too Busy Not Too Pray by Bill Hybels. SIDE NOTE - I attempted to underline the title of that book and this blog would not allow it. I think Google is promoting incorrect grammar - END NOTE. I guess Bill or someone Bill mentions in the book has never really been a "journaler". However, he commits to writing one full page every day beginning with the word "Yesterday" about anything and everything. No parameters aside from the kick-off of "Yesterday". He also chose to write a prayer to God on a second full page. I found this idea interesting because I myself have never been much of a "journaler" either. Yesterday I put this plan into action. It went well. My creative juices began flowing. And this is what I came up with...
Dec. 5, 2011 (Monday)
Yesterday something occurred to me. God does not give me joy. Let me rephrase that. I do not find joy in my Lord. Hmm, I should rephrase that again. I do find joy in my lord, however Abba Father is not this lord. He is a Lord. He is Creator of all and worthy of praise, but he is not my lord. Lordship over my life has belonged to me for awhile now. I regularly find joy in things not directly related to God, yet I rarely find joy in his words, his creation or his truth. Yesterday I heard an awesome sermon. Even then I knew how life-changing it could be, the words I was hearing. It did not stir up joy in me. I think my response was a yawn. Perhaps, a few yawns. Because I didn't think highly enough of church to go to bed early the night before so that I could be alert and receive His truth. Though had I gone to bed early and woken up alert I gather that I still would not have been interested in what our pastor had to say. Would you like to know what caused me joy yesterday? Discovering that Cam Newton, Rookie Quarterback Sensation of the Carolina Panthers had posted a 41.26 fantasy statline in my PPR league (he is my starting QB). Another bit of irony is that simply by looking at his stats (204 yards, 1 touchdown passing / 54 yards, 3 touchdowns rushing / 1 reception, 27 yards receiving) I could calculate that into 41.26 fantasy point in my head in about 30 seconds. I am relatively good at math. However in 30 seconds I guarantee you I could not recall one verse about finding my joy in the Lord. I don't think enough of Him to commit His Word to heart or to memory. Don't misunderstand me, please, I am not condemning fantasy football. I (and others) find it immensely enjoyable and it inspires camaraderie between myself and my co-workers with whom I am in a league. It is merely an example of how off kilter my priorities have become. It is a portrait of how my heart has been decaying these last 3 years. I hate it. I hate serving myself as lord, because frankly I am pretty freaking demanding, incredibly selfish, lacking in grace, and generally unremarkable. Yahweh, on the other hand, is selfless, full of grace, and downright beautiful. And he loves me, in spite of the state of my heart. It will change over time. Perhaps getting these thoughts onto paper (first loose leaf, and then digital) will help that change.
"God loves you just the way you are; but he loves you too much to let you stay that way." Ashley, Junebug
No comments:
Post a Comment